That crack your voice makes when you are talking about something difficult.
You know the one.
That teeny, tiny sound, that unravels all of your bravery, and exposes your vulnerability.
That crack is so powerful.
Not only does it allow your audience to understand exactly how hard this is for you.
It also allows you to drop the front you are putting on.
You don’t have to be strong all the time.
It is all okay.
You are but human after all
Long winding roads.
Turning through hillsides and sunsets.
I feel loving energy on my left.
I turn to familiar faces.
These two woman who are with me bring me light and love.
They strengthen and ground me.
Everything was and is beauty.
This ancient land opened her heart to us.
Welcomed us to her salty shores, and ruggered mountains.
We felt her mud under our toes, and washed it away in her creeks.
We felt content as we watched the stars, safely cradled by the milky way.
This land is our home
Van Life 2017
A poem and video dedicated to Celeste, Nicole and our Van named Santosha.
Santosha is sanskrit for content, which is exactly how we felt as we travelled around our home.
You are not physically gone
But you have disappeared
The memories we shared
Are only my memories now
And when I look into your eyes
I feel nothing back
You are absent
Your soul has been silenced
And I have mourned losing you
I hope peace comes to you
The confusion washes away
And I hope somehow,
Deep down you know
That I will always love you
Dementia: A chronic or persistent disorder of the mental processes caused by brain disease or injury and marked by memory disorders, personality changes, and impaired reasoning
You once told me that being brave is being afraid, but doing it anyway.
Well I suppose this is where I am right now.
I am walking into this next chapter without you here.
Moving into the unknown.
Against my wishes and my desires
Trying to keep an open mind and an open heart to these new experiences.
Looking for something familiar.
Searching for the path that is right for me
But also being afraid that they only thing I ever wanted to do,
Was to walk into these unknowns,
With you by my side.
Live your life the way you see fit
Give something a second chance
Or give something no chance at all
Live by your own choosing
She took me in, and wrapped me in her ever changing landscape.
She watched me as I floated on her waves, and dug my feet in her sand.
She gave sceneries that took away my breath, and air that gave it back.
The stillness, mixed with the electric energy drew me in.
And I will forever thankyou for having me stay with you.
I ponder this contradiction often
Fight for what you believe in
Or let it go?
If it causes us pain, should we not try to change it?
Or is it best to walk away?
By walking away, are we just accepting that this issue won’t change?
Does that make us weak?
Or are we stronger?
Are we giving in to the pain, with the simple statement “it’s not worth the hassle?”
But is it really not worth the hassle?
Does you pain not deserve a voice?
Or can you live contently not being vocal?
Do we as a society, or as an individual need to stop and say,
“This is not okay, I will not let you treat us in this way”
Or does the sentence look more like,
“It’s just the way it is”
We have to choose our battles wisely
But I think society has a ‘quick fix’, or ‘sweep it under the rug’ outlook on a lot of confrontational topics and opinions.
I ponder this often.
Sometimes both solutions are a double edge sword,
but I hope you never become numb to your pain or your voice